{"id":7241,"date":"2022-03-04T20:10:33","date_gmt":"2022-03-04T12:10:33","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/flowtaipei.com\/?p=7241"},"modified":"2023-02-11T01:26:32","modified_gmt":"2023-02-10T17:26:32","slug":"how-many-songs-should-we-dance-with-one-partner-in-a-social-dance-party","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/flowtaipei.com\/en\/how-many-songs-should-we-dance-with-one-partner-in-a-social-dance-party\/","title":{"rendered":"How many songs should we dance with one partner in a social dance party?"},"content":{"rendered":"

How many songs should we dance with one partner in a social dance party?<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Salsa & Bachata<\/strong><\/p>\n

In Salsa and Bachata parties, this is easy.\u00a0 It is very standard to change partners after one song.\u00a0 Generally, it\u2019s unusual to dance more than one salsa or bachata song with the same partner.\u00a0 At these parties, people want to dance with many different partners.\u00a0 You might ask a person to dance one salsa and one bachata during a party, but unless the party is very small or you both have some special reason to dance more together, it\u2019s not usual to dance more than one salsa and one bachata with any one partner in a party.\u00a0 If you repeatedly ask someone to dance in a salsa\/bachata party, they may feel uncomfortable or annoyed. Be thoughtful and consider whether that person might want to dance with someone else or just take a break.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Zouk & Kizomba<\/strong><\/p>\n

This is a very common question people have when they start dancing Zouk.\u00a0 Although I will use a lot of words to spell things out clearly, it all comes down to\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

-Reading body language and social cues and\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

-Respecting your partner\u2019s feelings and your own.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

In Brazilian Zouk & Kizomba parties, the etiquette around this question depends a lot on the local scene. In some scenes, dancers usually dance one song and then change partners.\u00a0 If the music is played as individual songs, it\u2019s more common to just dance one song.\u00a0 If there is a DJ mixing the songs together so that the music flows continuously, it\u2019s more common to dance multiple songs together (we do this in Zouk in Taipei).\u00a0 But how many?\u00a0 When and how do we stop?<\/span><\/p>\n

This is very subjective, and depending on the local scene and personal preferences, people will have a lot of different opinions, so * this is just my opinion * based on my observations dancing mostly in Asia and some in the US.\u00a0 I believe the guidelines I lay out will help you in any dance scene as they are based on respect and consent.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

In a party where Zouk or Kizomba is mixed together-<\/span><\/p>\n

If there is not that much time to dance then I might just dance one song at a time so I can dance with more people.\u00a0 Because I am a teacher and try to dance with a lot of students in our practica, I will often only dance one song, at least in the beginning.\u00a0 In parties, it depends a lot on the ratio of leaders to followers.\u00a0 Our local parties right now tend to have more followers so leaders often dance one to three songs.\u00a0 If I have a lot of time and there are not a lot of followers waiting for dances, I will generally dance two songs.\u00a0 If I feel we are having a very good dance and that my partner is also enjoying very much, I will dance more.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

How to either stop dancing or make a consensual decision to continue dancing-<\/span><\/p>\n

This is the part that gets very confusing.\u00a0 Think about this:<\/span><\/p>\n

    \n
  1. If ONE person wants to stop, the dance should end<\/span><\/li>\n
  2. BOTH people need to agree to continue dancing<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    So first, how to stop?\u00a0 Leaders and followers can end a dance in the same way:\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

    Listen to the music and catch when it starts to change.\u00a0 There will either be some kind of transition where both songs are mixing or one song will totally end and another will end.\u00a0 In the transition, or just after the song ends, let the energy drain, relax your frame and body, and put your weight back onto both feet, and release your connection to your partner\u2019s body.\u00a0 Do all of this gradually, but quickly enough that it\u2019s clear to your partner that the energy has changed.\u00a0 This is a clear nonverbal sign that you would like to end the dance.\u00a0<\/span>
    \n<\/span><\/p>\n

    Then you simply look at the person and thank them.\u00a0 You can just smile or high 5 or hug, depending on your feeling and your sense of what the other person would like- you should be able to figure this out from the feeling of your dance together.\u00a0 If your dance was close and your partner seems comfortable and relaxed being close to you, you can probably hug them, but move slowly so if you misjudged they have time to move. If your dance had a lot of space, if you\u2019re not familiar with the person, if they look anxious or uncomfortable, or if you just can\u2019t tell what their feeling is, then just smile- don\u2019t assume the other person wants to be hugged.<\/span><\/p>\n

     <\/p>\n

    Second, how to continue a dance?<\/span><\/p>\n

    Again, always listen to the music and pay attention to when it starts to change.\u00a0 When the transition finishes or a new song starts, lower your energy and the tension in your body, but keep your frame and a gradual weight transfer.\u00a0 Don\u2019t totally relax your body, don\u2019t let all the energy out, just bring it down to a very low level where you can easily sense your partner\u2019s energy.\u00a0 If you are the leader you can just do some very simple\u00a0 body movement or weight transfer. Observe your partner for a few moments.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

    Are they keeping some tension in their bodies?\u00a0 Are they keeping their frame and still following or leading your movement?\u00a0 Look at their expression.\u00a0 Do they look relaxed, comfortable, happy?\u00a0 Then there\u2019s a good chance they\u2019d like to continue dancing.<\/span><\/p>\n

    Did they let all the energy out of their bodies?\u00a0 Have they started releasing their connection to you?\u00a0 Are they not following the movement of your body any longer?\u00a0 Do they look uncomfortable or awkward or very stiff?\u00a0 Are they thanking you?\u00a0 These are all signs that they want to end the dance.<\/span><\/p>\n

    If the signs are pretty clear that they want to end, then you should end the dance, even if you would rather continue.\u00a0 If you ignore or miss the body language, stopping the dance will be more awkward.\u00a0 If you can start to read people\u2019s feelings and intentions through body language and respect those without needing to be told verbally, your partners will feel more safe and comfortable with you.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

    If you want to continue but you can\u2019t tell if they do, then you can ask them.\u00a0 Say something like, \u201cWould you like to dance another song?\u201d\u00a0 Ask in a way that respects the other person and makes them feel comfortable saying no.\u00a0 If they say no, don\u2019t ask them why not.\u00a0 Just accept it gracefully and thank them for the dance.<\/span><\/p>\n

     <\/p>\n

    If you\u2019ve given a little space for your partner to let you know they want to stop, and the signs are pretty clear they want to continue then:<\/span><\/p>\n

    -As a leader, gradually ramp up the energy and get back into dancing.\u00a0 Check again after every song.\u00a0 As you become more familiar with particular people and with reading body language in general, you will be able to read the situation more quickly, but no matter how long you dance or how well you know the person, you should always make sure to respect them by reading the situation periodically and allowing them the chance to end the dance.<\/span><\/p>\n

    -As a follower, just keep your frame and re-engage your energy and your connection to your partner and start following when the leader starts leading again.<\/span><\/p>\n

    What if you want to end but your partner continues and doesn\u2019t notice or care that you don\u2019t want to continue?\u00a0 In that case, do the same as I described above to end the dance, but a little more quickly and firmly.\u00a0 If you disengage your frame and put your weight down and verbally thank them, it is clear to anyone that you are finished, and if you have no frame and don\u2019t follow, there is no way to continue dancing with you.<\/span><\/p>\n

    If you want to end the dance, just end it!<\/strong>\u00a0 You are your own person and not a tool to be used for someone else\u2019s enjoyment. Respect yourself and don\u2019t just wait for the leader or follower to be done with you.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

    *Note- if your partner is a new dancer, they may have no idea how to end a dance or how to check for consent before continuing.\u00a0 In that case, if their intentions are not completely clear, it\u2019s better to just ask them directly and to be very clear (and polite) when you want to end the dance.\u00a0 If you already know the etiquette, gently guide newer dancers into this pattern so it becomes ingrained in the culture.<\/span><\/p>\n

    What if someone only dances one song with you?\u00a0 Should you be upset?\u00a0 The issue of not getting enough dances could be a whole separate article, so here I will just address it shortly.\u00a0 There are lots of reasons to end a dance, and most of them are not about you.\u00a0 But as a beginner or in a scene with a very uneven ratio, you will probably have more experiences of short dances.\u00a0 Getting upset or offended will not get you more dances.\u00a0 Making someone feel guilty for not dancing with you enough will probably make them want to dance with you less.\u00a0 Work on your own dance diligently to improve your skills, and listen to a lot of music to absorb the rhythm into your body.\u00a0 Make sure you are clean and dressed within reason according to the cultural norms and follow the etiquette of your scene, treating everyone respectfully, asking for and accepting or rejecting dances gracefully.\u00a0 These are a few ways you can attract more dances.<\/span><\/p>\n

    I hope this has helped make some sense out of an often confusing situation.\u00a0 See you on the dance floor!<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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