You’ve been dancing Salsa/Bachata/Zouk for awhile. You go to classes and workshops and parties. It’s natural that you want to help other people to dance better, so you start to teach other people during the party/practica and even during other people’s classes. That’s really nice of you and others will definitely appreciate it, right?
Wrong.
This is one of the biggest complaints I hear from followers in all dances. As soon as a leader knows a little bit, they start trying to teach everyone. This mostly just annoys the follower and makes her not want to dance with the leader.
If you want to teach, open a class and see who shows up. The people in your class agreed to be taught by you. *If they aren’t a student in your class, and they haven’t asked you to teach them, they did not agree to be your student*. Most of the time, they won’t like it.
Why wouldn’t someone like being taught for free?
-They don’t consider the “teacher” to be skilled/knowledgeable enough to teach them. Most of the time, the people teaching others in parties have a lot of problems themselves. When the leader cannot keep basic timing and is “teaching” the follower, she’s going to feel very annoyed.
-It’s condescending. By teaching, you are telling this person that you are more advanced than them. They might not feel that way!
-The time and place is not right. Maybe someone would like to learn from or practice with you, but you are trying to do it in the party. They just want to enjoy the feeling of dancing and the music and don’t want to be taught at that time.
Teaching someone who doesn’t want to be taught makes them want to dance with you less. Don’t do it!
What about during a practica? That’s the time to share feedback, right?
Yes! A student practica is the right time to share feedback. But there is a difference between sharing feedback and teaching.
Teaching- the teacher explains the “correct” way to do something to a student.
Sharing feedback- one person shares their feeling/perception of the situation with the other. This includes how they feel about themself and their partner. In a practica or while training together, this should be 2-way communication where both people are working together.
Examples of teaching vs sharing feedback in the practica:
Teaching: Your step is wrong. It should be like this.
Feedback: The footwork doesn’t feel right. My step is like this, yours is like this, right?
Teaching: You are pushing me around with your hands. Lead from your body instead.
Feedback: I feel you are pushing me off balance when you lead with your hands. Can you try leading more from your body. How do you feel about my frame?
Sometimes teaching and sharing feedback are almost the same information, but when you share feedback you do not treat the person as your student. You explain your perception and invite them to explain theirs so you can figure out the issue together. If you can’t, you ask for help from a teacher, if they are available, or make a note to ask about it next class time.
*In the practica, share feedback. Don’t teach.*
Q & A
Q: What if they ask me to teach them something?
A: If they ask you to teach, then you have their consent. But don’t overstep. Don’t launch into a whole lesson. And consider whether you even want to teach. Even though I am a teacher, I don’t want to teach people in a party. That time is for enjoying! If you would like to teach/practice with that person and it’s just not the right time, then make another time to do it later.
Q: What do I do if the follower is doing something uncomfortable or dangerous, like throwing herself into a dip?
A: It depends on how serious it is. If there is uncomfortable tension, I would try tensing and relaxing my body where I feel the tension to encourage the follower to do the same. If they are moving too fast, if the energy is flying out of control, I would ground myself more, move more deliberately, and avoid adding energy. I would use less and less energy to encourage them to relax.
If it actually feels dangerous and I can’t avoid the situation by adjusting my leading, then I would say something very brief and direct and non-accusatory, like “Please don’t dip. My back feels very tense.” Actually, I’ve never gotten to this point, but it’s not uncommon for followers to need to speak up.
Q: As a follower, why are people always trying to teach me? Why does it happen to me more than to my friends and how can I stop it?
A: I can think of a couple of possible reasons:
- You respond nicely when the leader teaches you, so they feel good. If you appear to accept everything this leader says, and especially if you thank them, they will probably continue.If someone is teaching you and you don’t agree with what they are saying or don’t want them to teach you, you can
-ask them not to teach you or suggest to check with a teacher later
-give no response at all
-tell them that you don’t think what they are saying is correct/feels comfortable and explain your own feeling (but only if you want to continue talking with them) - You look unconfident or worried. Your steps are unsure, and your facial expression communicates that you don’t know what’s happening and you seem to be asking for help. Leaders pick up and respond to this in different ways. Some of them want to help you, and others want to take advantage of you for their own ego.To improve this, look in the mirror. Imagine yourself feeling unconfident and let your body and face react to that feeling. See how you look? Now imagine how your posture and facial expression would look if you were confident, and look again. See the difference? Keep that feeling and radiate it when you dance. That will improve your outer confidence. To improve your inner confidence, continue taking classes and learning 🙂
Q: Why do some leaders always “teach” new people in the party but never actually open any classes?
A: Many of them simply like to feel important. A woman with no dance experience is more easily convinced that this leader has knowledge and skill, and that strokes their ego. Others really just think they are helping, and they don’t realize that it’s not appropriate. In either case, don’t encourage them to do this.
Developing a passion to teach is a great thing. Social dance culture needs people to be motivated to learn and improve and share their knowledge with others. If you want to become a teacher, go for it! Work hard, make yourself stand out, develop a good reputation, and look for opportunities to assist or teach a class.
But don’t teach people that are not your students 🙂